You’re Engaged! Congratulations and welcome to a whole new world, the world of weddings!
Getting married and wedding planning is a strange activity, not only are you planning on committing to one person for the rest of your life, you are also organizing a party, and all the styling and decoration that goes with it, with maybe a few before and after parties, catering, a legal ceremony, maybe a non – legal ceremony, what you’re going to wear and what everyone else is going to wear and most importantly where is this all going to take place.
It sounds a lot and I won’t pretend that it’s not and on top of everything you have to do it all within a budget and with lots of other people thinking they can have an input into what is essentially your special day. Above all else you and your partner are embarking on a fabulous journey to your big day and the rest of your lives together, so remember the most important thing is YOU and that you LOVE each other.
Before you get started there are a few things to consider:
First of all enjoy your engagement! Enjoy the glow that knowing you’ve made a commitment to someone creates around you and all the congratulations that come with it. Make sure you tell your loved ones and immediate family first before you inform the world on social media.
Secondly, the key to successful planning is communication. This means speaking to each other about what you both want, what sort of wedding you’d like and listening to what the other person has to say. Also you need to speak with significant others who may be involved, such as parents who may be expecting to contribute to the wedding. It’s always good to set the rules at the very beginning, just because your parents or significant others may wish to contribute, doesn’t mean that gives them the right to have a say in your wedding; but you might want to give them the chance to be involved in some way.
Where to Start…
There are no rules for how to start the wedding process but before you throw yourselves into all the excitement there are a few basics you need to consider:
Budget
Not the easiest of topics to discuss at any time but especially difficult around weddings. You’ll need to consider how you’ll be paying for the big day. Will you and your partner be paying for everything yourselves or others be making a contribution. Most couples spend more than originally planned, so it’s always useful to add in a contingency of around 10 to 20%. It’s surprising how quickly so many of the little details add up. It’s always better to have a figure in mind before you start planning, rather than plan your dream wedding only to find out its way out of your budget. The last way you want to start married life is in debt due to the wedding.
Once you have a budget in mind it will help narrow down your options when it comes to the number of guests, choosing venues and other suppliers.
Bridal Party
Who is going to be in your bridal party; best man, maid of honour, groomsmen and bridesmaids. How many of each? It’s sensible to pick people who will help you on the day and in the lead up with some planning and on the day jobs, not just choose who you think would look good in the photos or will be more concerned in organizing the stag and hen night, though that would help. Remember the more in your bridal party, the more you will need to spend on suits, bridesmaids dresses, button holes and bouquets. Everything comes back to the budget.
Wedding Guests
How many guests are you planning on having at your ceremony, your wedding breakfast and the evening party. How many members in your bridal party. Do you envisage a big white wedding or an intimate guest list of those closest to you. Write out a potential guest list, break it down into the “must haves”, parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, bridal party; then the “should haves” guests you feel you should invite, close friends, maybe your boss or parents friends, cousins; then the “would like to” , work colleagues, other friends.
Once you have these lists you can allocate your budget accordingly and decide if you would prefer an intimate micro wedding for 30 guests, where you can concentrate on the style of the wedding or choose the more expensive wedding venue, or a small ceremony and wedding breakfast followed by a big party or the whole big white wedding with all your guests all day.
Your biggest expense is going to be venue hire and catering, so the number of guests will quickly eat up your budget.
Photo: @richsavagephotography
The Wedding Date
When do you want to get married? Such a simple question but so many different options and so many different factors that will affect when you tie the knot. So it’s essential to have a preferred date in mind before you start looking at venues and suppliers.
Is there a particular time of year you prefer, spring and summer are peak wedding seasons and traditionally more expensive, but there’s also Autumn, Winter, a Christmas Wedding, a New Year wedding, a mid-week wedding.
Are there dates that are special to you, I’ve known couples get engaged on the day they first met or became official and now want to get married on the same day. Maybe it’s a parents anniversary or someone’s birthday, maybe you need to get married in the school holidays or at a set week during the year because of work commitments.
Likewise there may be dates you wish to avoid such as birthdays or other significant dates of loved ones no longer with you or even an ex-boyfriend. It’s also worth checking major sporting events that guests might be interested in. There’s nothing worse than paying thousands for a wedding reception or entertainment to find that half the guests are in the bar watching football or rugby.
The season and day of the week will also affect the cost and therefore your budget. There are deals and bargains to be had during mid-week and off season but if you’re determined to have a Saturday in June, July or August then you can expect to pay the price.
The Wedding Ceremony
What sort of wedding ceremony are you thinking of, where are you going to say your vows. There a few options…
Church
If you are religious or religion is important to you, you will probably wish to marry in the appropriate religious building, and you will already know whom to contact.
If you are not religious but like the idea of marrying in a Church then it is possible but not straight forward as picking a venue and expressing your wish to book the church. The Church in England (also the Church in Scotland, Church of Wales & Catholic Church) will have rules of about who they are able to marry and you may need to meet qualifying criteria for them to do so, this may also vary between each individual church or Benefice. If you can get them to agree, they are likely to want to meet you, expect you attend church for a set time, help out at any charitable events and continue to do so afterwards. There will be costs involved, with extra for the organist and choir. It will also be a religious ceremony, it’s not possible to have a humanist ceremony in a practicing Church.
Civil Ceremony
This is a legal ceremony carried out by the local Registrar’s Office which comes under your local authority; they will deal with births and deaths as well as marriages. Civil ceremonies are carried out either at the local Registry Office, usually the Council offices or at a venue that has been approved and registered for civil ceremonies.
The ceremony is basically a legal agreement, whilst you can have music to walk down the aisle to and while you sign the register and also readings, there can be no religious aspect at all. Your registry office will provide you with a list of songs, poems and readings which are not allowed. You will be able to reserve your date and ceremony time from 12 months out but some registry offices will let you do this earlier and pencil you in; you will then need to give formal notice of your intent to marry at least three months before. If you are getting married outside your own local authority you will need to give notice in each local authority.
You will pay the Registrars a fee, this will vary depending on the day of the week you’re marrying on and if you are having the ceremony at a venue there may also be a charge from the venue for use of the ceremony room.
Celebrant or Humanist Ceremony
At the moment in the UK despite many misconceptions, you cannot get married outside or anywhere other than a religious building, registry office or approved premises (usually a specified room). However, for couples wishing to marry outside in beautiful gardens or grounds, or on a beach or in the woods there is a way around this.
If you choose to marry using a celebrant or humanist the ceremony itself can be much more personal to you as a couple; it can also be where ever you wish even your own back garden. I am a great fan of celebrant led weddings and have seen some beautiful ones over the years, they have been formal, informal, funny, beautifully personal, guests have sung pop songs and hymns, read poems and told stories of the wedding couple. The wedding vows are usually beautiful and so personal and every time there have been tears and not just from me
Unless you tell them, the majority of guests would not know the ceremony was not a legal one, the couple will sign a certificate as they would usually. However, what only a handful of guests will know is that the couple has already been to the registry office and said their legal vows and signed the legal paperwork (it takes 10 minutes) probably the day before.
Your Wedding Theme
Before you start looking at wedding venues and researching suppliers decide on your wedding theme. Now we don’t mean Harry Potter or Game of Thrones or Star Wars; we’re talking about whether you want traditional and elegant, boho and rustic, romantic but casual, glitzy and glam. Do you see yourself in an hotel, a castle, a manor house with beautiful gardens or a barn. What are your favourite colours or flowers, are you an indoors or an outdoors couple, what sort of food do you like.
Most importantly work out your must haves, how do you envision your wedding day and what can’t you do without. We’re not saying have your wedding fully styled before you start planning but at least have some ideas in mind.
Photo: @duchessbutler
Wedding Planner or DIY
Before you start looking at all the options, one of the biggest decisions to make is whether you are able to plan your dream wedding on your own or whether you’ll need help from a professional.
Its highly likely that your wedding venue will have wedding coordinator who you will liaise with you in the months leading up to the big day; although they will provide advice and guidance along the way, they will work for the venue and not you, so the majority of the wedding planning will be down to you. Also very often the person you’ve dealt with all the way through, will not be the person you see on the wedding day so there is risk of miscommunication.
Whilst you might be an extremely organised person and love the idea of researching and planning your wedding but chances are you’ve never planned anything this big before, and there’s a lot of work that needs to be coordinated the day before and on the day, when you should be relaxing and having fun with your friends and family.
There many benefits to employing a wedding planner for all or if not some of the journey. Professional planners work with your ideas, personalities and love story, bringing with them experience, knowledge and connections which can not only may your life easier but will also bring with them the know-how and extra edge to your ideas and plans.
A good wedding planner will instill confidence in you in your planning journey and become your planning buddy. They will liaise will make suggestions, liaise with suppliers, accompany you to appointments, deal with issues and keep your best interests at the center of all they do.
They can also help with budget planning and helping you spend your money where it matters most or will have most impact; they’ll also recommend suppliers within your budget and ones that you’ve not necessarily heard of before.
A good wedding planner will also turn into your confidante and friend for when you have those wedding wobbles, a mediator for any issues that may arise and also an advisor on etiquette. So whether its divorced parents, arguing siblings or bridesmaids or you’re just not sure how things should be done, your wedding planner will be waiting in the background smooth the way.
The actual wedding day can be extremely overwhelming, by the end of the planning process, your wedding planner will have been with you every step of the planning process and will know you and how your day will run inside out. On the day a planner will take care of all the last minute details for you, from communications with suppliers, to arrival times, answering last minute questions with the venue, ensuring the seating plan is correct, candles are lit and the confetti is where it should be. Leaving you, your groom and the bridal party to enjoy your day without worry.
Wedding budgets can easily get out of hand and not every wedding couple feel they can afford a planner; however couples who have hired a wedding planner often say that the expense was well worth it as you’re essentially paying for peace of mind and the wedding planner has saved costs in other areas so they basically paid for themselves.
When looking for a wedding planner you will notice they will offer different options or packages, from venue and supplier finding only, month of co-ordination or the full planning and styling option. So before you appoint one have an idea on how much help you need and what with. It’s always best to do your research, ask around for recommendations, check out their social media and previous weddings they’ve managed.
Once you’ve appointed one you’ll never look back.
"Must Have List"
Once you've considered all the above, create a list of your must haves. This will be your guide as you start the actual process of looking for a venue and suppliers. It will help you keep a focus on what's really important to you and your partner in your search.
Include your potential numbers, your theme, your colours, whether its a church or a civil ceremony. List everything that are "must haves" for your dream wedding.
Next week...........How to find your perfect venue
If you would like any help in planning your wedding, from either venue search or supplier finding please don't hesitate to pop us an email hello@magnoliaandmeconsultancy.co.uk
to arrange a chat.
Don't forget to check out our website www.magnoliaandmeconsultancy.co.uk
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